A change of thought....

I have strive to be brutally honest in my blog, in hopes to share and impart personal experiences among my friends. It;s not by all means, accurate to how I feel and may even distort my daily emotions.

I only write on how I feel on that very day and on that particular subject. It does not reflect on my own personal agendas. I may have raise some concern among my friends about my new baby but it's a ongoing journey.

The update is I have stop overfeeding Baby Tyler because he has put on a lot of weight and his jaundice is clearing. I did tried to top his formula for night feed but I noticed some "pimples" on his face and it could be due to the heatiness of the formula, which I am not sure of.

I am persistent to stay true to BF if I can because I have milk and would otherwise, choose not to BF. Please do not assume I dun advocate formula because it is such a personal choice for me.

One of the main reason being I am eager to lose the baby flab and BF works wonder for me to lose the excess weight...fast.

I do not dare to even start working out as I am so scare of my scar and wound healing or hitting a hernia?

But a good friend suggested I take time to BF Tyler and it;s true, I have reach the 3 hrs time lap and I am contend.

Mother has been of great relief to me and the other thing that I have change my mind on is the state of child care in oz.

I pay 60 for half a day session in between 7 am to 1 pm.

The state of the equipment and well, overall hygiene of the place is quite alarming.

It;s not very clean after all.

Worst, with hotter weather, Lya could easily pick up contagious illness.

I had only send her so I can rest and sleep, but it turns out if Tyler continues to sleep 3 hrs quarterly , I could endure little Lya.

Child care needs to be regulated in Oz. It needs to have a higher standards and carefully monitor. Ill equiped ones are the worst.

IF the health inspector run regular sport checks on restaurants, why not on child care?

A surprise visit, to ensure the staff and cleaniless are kept at par?

I pay a very good sum of money for it.

I dun really mind paying for it but I mind sending her to some dodgy child care. The ones that are clean and properly managed are overcrowded and there are no vacancies.

Such a dilemma to get a good one indeed.

I was considering child care for Lya till November, simply because I thought it was the best thing to do to keep her well adjusted.

But it turns out I am better off joining the playgroup instead.

Would I take the risk of her catching something serious?

I do not think so...

Finally...

We tried Nan Gold for like the 7.30 pm feed and he still could not sleep till 11.30 pm.

I gave him around 100ml of Nan and continue to nurse him till he slept. He did pee and poo a far bit but the thing is, he went to bed at midnite and only woke up by 3.45am. Which is a good thing because mummy gets to sleep too.

I dun think baby Tyler can sleep through the night at this stage. He is far too young to hold his pee and poo poo.

But the formula helps contain him longer.

I do NOT have anything against formula. Just to clear up any misunderstandings or great debate.

It;s a personal choice for myself and my family.

Truthfully, I enjoy BF ( Breast feeding). Why?

I can;t put a finger on it.

Maybe cause it justify me, not working and I am fully committed to BF the babies.

Or maybe I am kinda scared of The C word, since mum is a breast cancer survivor and I am inclined to protect myself. With any luck because C does not discriminate right?

Or maybe I like to see the babies grow stronger and well, I simply enjoy feeding them.

and I love how many calories it burnt! I am a fat girl. I need to burnt as much off as I can and I simply do not have the time to work out. Not yet anyway.

Vic beckham runs 8 miles a day!!! Explaining the stick figure lar!

I dun have access to nannies or chefs or personal trainer.

I wish I had more access to families visits.

Poor mum is missing home, and anyone to talk to. I hope becky will come next weekend to cheer her up a tad bit and help out with Lya.

Counting on you Becky!

I still have a long way to go.

Milly leaves next friday.

My fingers are deeply crossed.

beloved baby tyler

I reached a momentum today. How I must not force myself to go beyond my limits.

I love nursing baby Tyler but breast milk is so digestable that he wakes up every 2 hrs througout the night and it;s straining me and my partner and baby Lya.

I had the option of topping up formula for night feeds but I have prevail as long as I could so Baby Tyler can have a good start in life.

Natural is best for baby but at this stage, I must admit, I am failing to keep up with his needs and I need some serious sleep.

The worst part, milly is going back next Wednesday and I need to do my own cooking, laundry and housework. I will have less and less time to nurse him. Baby Lya's jealous streak is adding more stress to me and I am on the verge of breaking down.

The only solution....adding on formula so he sleeps longer in the morning, giving me enough sleep to pull through the day time.

It;s sad that I can not afford help in Oz, a maid or a nanny.

It;s a do or die thing for me. As much as it breaks my heart, I need to consider all options.

My only guilt is because I nursed Lya till 1 year old and I can;t do the same for my little son.

My heart is breaking but for the sake of both chidren, How can I not use the best option and solve the problem. While ceasing to punish myself for being an imperfect mother.

How I wish I could hire help...