counting down...

I have a few things on my mind as I edge nearer to the operation date.

I still wanna get some jurlique travel pack, simply because I love the smell of lavender based products and it may cheer me up a bit, while I am bed ridden in the hospital.

Hubbie met a flat tyre this morning and I had to go to Bridgestone Boxhill to fix it. Went out by 9.15 am and came back by 11am. The tyre did took only 40 mins to fix but mother was keen to do some shopping in Whitehorse Centro and I just obliged poor mum. She went to raid Katies and I just thought might as well hit Hollywood Nails to get my manicure. At least nice smooth cuticles would cheer me up as I prepare to pack my hospital bag.

I am taking my kimono dressing gown for this surgery because I know everyone is going to shoot us bathing the baby for the first time and I really want to look comfortable and relax.

Somehow, the second time around, I am relax because I anticipated the after surgery emotions, pain threshold, nursing dilemma , baby crying and all that weird feeling of losing all control but submitting to mother nature.

My hair is longer and I intend to braid it so I dun look like a total wreck!

The second time coming, I really intend to make FULL use of the nursery! Now, for any first time mothers, I felt the insane need to see my baby to know that the baby is well. Anxiety run high with the first born. NOT having enough sleep and having the baby cry endlessly can make one go insane. Lya cried really badly at night and the nurse would suggest to me to take her to the nursery so I can rest.

I refused initially because not seeing her made me anxious. I end up having like 3 to 4 hours sleep for the first 2 days in the hospital. With the scar and all, this is a real train wreck situation. Very uncomfortable.

I realized that I should had let the nurse take Lya to the nursery at night and let me rest because she will be awake by 5 AM , ready to be nurse. Baby can smell their mothers and the breast milk. This itself can make the baby restless and refused to sleep longer hours. 5 hours sleep is heaven for any new mothers.

I wish someone would had told me earlier because I was traumatized by the first 5 days in hospital because Lya would cry endlessly.

No one told me anything and I really felt like the worst mother, ever.

Sharing this with anyone is like a real heavy burden.

I know so much more now that I ever did before. All I can say is I hope to impart the same wisdom to Lya when she ever needs to walk down motherhood for the first time.

Or maybe I should write a book, a real book based on real life scenarios.

My book, " What do expect: the Pregnancy" really did not help much!

to be contd....

HappY me...

This is how I really want people to see me, Happy and with a pet poodle. Smiling and being so cheerful.

Not stuck at home with nagging in laws , constantly bickering on how to raise my little girl.

Before I jump into conclusion, I really just have to say, I imagine my life, even with kids, adapting, accommodating, cheerful, calm, reserve, working hard and not taking life for granted.

I do not believe in asking anyone else for help to raise my kids. They will let me know what they need and I shall learn, adapt, cope and pick up.

Milly have been hounding me on their routine , though I had to remind her , I managed to raise my little girl without her help. She have been with me for 3 months and no doubt, she can claim that I can not cope without her help, I am determine to rebut her debate and challenge her that I can.

Happy thoughts always seems to be on my side. I admit, the fury of getting someone to tell you things that you already know, is kinda like getting over a heated debate. By 30 mins or so, I may forget the reason why I am so angry about. Simply because I am too tired to care or too busy with other things that I forgotten why I was even angry at first.

Like holding a toy poodle, or just admiring the courage of other friends to open a boutique, I am inspired to not just limit my own boundaries.

Why should I limit my own happiness and let others affect how I feel?

Personally, I know what to do with my kids, and my career and my daily emotions?

I am eager to get back my life to myself and my partner. I am eager to just have the privacy of planning a family getaways without any wife tales on what you can and cannot do with children.

Sometimes, you just have to remind yourself , how you used to be like and not let others convinced you that having children is a burden. I can still be a mother, dress up and have a toy poodle as a pet.

and Why not?

Slowly does it...

Raging hormones can really get to me sometimes. I had the pleasure of extending my mother's visitor visa , hoping to get it done before the baby arrives.

I went to the Immigration at 8.45 am only to find it jammed pack. And thank you very much, No seats for my bloated tummy. I was flabbergasted and downright frustrated. But in the end, slow and steady always win hands down.

Of coz, getting upset over the systems would not work. I assumed my big belly would win me some sympathy points. In the end, I had to work within the system and ring for an appointment.

Mother was not very helpful with her endless questions. I had make an inquiry and we would need to wait up to 3 hours with a walk-in request. Of coz, she blames my father for not seeking a 6 months visa like I requested but I assumed it needed proper documentation, as with all government paperwork. Not on anyone hearsay or anyone advise.

Trying to explain that to my mother without losing my cool is a BIG hurdle. Especially when I am ridden with hormones. In the end, as I snapped back at my mother, I felt a total sense of overwhelm. I just have to resolve the matter.

There is NO choice. Milly, on the other hand, is also extending her visa on her passport and my partner have pushed the burden of taking her to the embassy on me. Can I possibly say NO?

My poor partner works. Someone have to and they are not accustomed to the language and my mother is for sure, Not accustomed to doing things for herself. Always relying on my father for her banking details, and even her will.

I dun mean to rush my mother nor nag her. But she have this very peculiar habit of minding people;s biz and NOT her own? Including renewing her passport or Identity card or just simple matters like learning to make a phone calls or etc.

Of coz, I dun mean to shout at my poor mother. That would be devious. But life really is a load of issues. My gas bill got canceled by my next door neighbor and I had to ring up and fix the confusion. As expected, my partner expected me to FIX the problem?

Because I am home bound, not working, I am always the problem fixer.

I have the time, so he assumed.

I handled all of his parent's visa issues and including my mother. I can get overwhelm with long waiting list and ques.

Like anything in life, ( which is a nuisance, be it if you are single, married, kids or no kids) , slow and steady win the race. I simply do not have the choice of stopping down nor can I just sit here and feel sorry for myself. I have live far too many birthdays to see that life is a constant struggle.

In the end, everyone in my family and his family who is worried sick on how I cope with two children ( with no maids), I only have this to say...

" I can and I will and I just have to..."

Shop around the corner

A friend just opened a Japanese clothing and lifestyle shop in Lonsdale street, City, Opposite QV, called Ninita.

I have to admit, I am admiring the commitment to take a risk and open a shop.

She have my ideal shop, the interior, the outlay, the cute little poodle dog as the motto. The dog's name is nini.

One could only dream about opening a similar shop around the corner.

Maybe one day....

My little angel..

Lya is my little angel. She really does light up my life here.

I do not know how I ever live before her arrival. I know this is corny but I am going to hold on dearly to her childhood because she is growing up so fast.

Milly's plea to bring her back to China while I cope with the second baby has been left in great denial because I simply can not find it in my heart to part ways with my baby girl.

I wish I could do it because I know she will be better taken care of but I am also very doubtful on how she would cope without me or her father or her sibling.

She belongs with her family.

Till the day she tells me what she wants, I intend to do what is Right for her.

My prayers go to her everyday and I vowed to pass on to litte Lya, Only good karma.

I am behaving myself and not holding on to silly disagreements because in the end, I love Lya way way too much to not let her have the best of both worlds.

...

I dun mean to only post the nice photos, so this shot clearly shows how BIG I really am.

Honestly, the bloating is really evidently and I assumed it's hormones and a concoction of other elements working towards the end of my pregnancy.

I am 36 weeks due. I will end the pregnancy at 38 weeks and the baby is expected to be slightly smaller than Lya because Lya was 40 weeks due.

Emotionally, I am quite a roller coaster case. At some days, I simply feel like tearing down the walls to get what way. Give Lya milk and bath her and let her wear a dress for goodness sake, NO matter what the weather is.

The weather is really reaching spring but there is a Flu bug going on and I guess it's better to be safe and let her continue to wear hideous layers( which make her look like a little BOY!!!)

Vanity has always been my biggest vice. I hate being slumpy and worst, putting on so much weight ( yes, I know it;s all baby) but to lose it again?

I do admit I love to work out simply because of the adrenalin charge. I was such a HUGE girl in Secondary even though I swam often. Refer to the extreme broad shoulders of moi.

But with 2 kids and nursing? How would I ever find the time to work out?

Simple, Improvise. I really can make it on a 7 hours sleep time daily. Anything extra is a waste of time. Do not ask me on where do I even find the energy to do it. I just do.

I do not have anyone to take over my shift and seriously, I realized that I really do enjoy kicking myself to work harder. As if for some lame excuse that I do not have a career and I am not letting myself go soft?

I still wanna work towards a mutual goal and strive harder and harder.

DO the impossible?

Be a domestic goddess ( whatever that means lar), I dun mean baking cupcakes !

But somehow pull through the agony of not messing up my house and still remain sane.

Which mean, I am trying not to lose my cool, NO breakdowns, or crying for no reasons, part of the Post Natal thing, seriously, my body will react accordingly to the hormones!!!

I will try and write about my ordeal ( IF I can find the time).

Note: Lya is obsessed with my laptop and iphone to play wiggles videos and songs!!!

She is barely 2 years old people!

I allowed her to do what she wants, right now anyway, that little girl can kick me sometimes.

My hired help

This is the baby capsule I hired from an online website. It;s a baby capsule which I can take in and out of the car, to be used on a young infant up to 6 months old.

I saw people using it and I really needed to hire one for the second baby because there is NO way I can pull on to Lya and carry a pram with the younger sibling.

Thank goodness for hiring baby accessories because the real thing could cost up to 300 but I can only use it for 6 months.

Milly is concerned of the structural design and how baby's back if arched but seriously, that woman can worry endlessly about everything in this world!!

Not that I do not worry about this myself but I have seen a lot of people using it and I am sure it is perfectly safe.

In case anyone is wondering, the chinese worry excessively more than anyone I have ever seen !

If anything, I think my fellow friends, anyone not from China specifically, worry much much less than the chinese.

Again, not to say it;s a bad trait , just how much can one worry about?

I can't afford hired help and I wish I could so , this is the next best thing I can think of.

I am saying a pray for myself as I really , really embracing the ride of my life.

All I can think of is , please god, please let my partner be understanding as I work out the new routine for the kids. I am kinda worried if he whined about a messy house while I try to hold on to my sanity.

Or worst, he asked his parents for help and I am again, buried by endless advices and old wife tales.

"Think positive Charlene! You can do this!" ....

2 more weeks!

The countdown has begun, it's August 25th, Wednesday and I am due within 2 weeks time frame.

The bloating is still ongoing but I am in a good mood, relatively.

Guess I am surrendering to nature and let mother nature take it course. The tummy is not as huge as I have anticipated. Probably cause I was too busy chasing Little Lya around to gorge myself on food. No cravings so far and no eating disorder or overeating.

I am taking my Iron supplement but the supplement can cause such havoc on heatiness and leading to very uncomfortable constipation. It is in liquid form, as advised by my other friend who is in the same scenario, Leanne. I count my blessings with the amount of HELP I am getting and I am praying for her because she have no help at all.

Such a brave soul and My heart goes out to all mothers dealing with pregnancies and two year olds. Kudos on your effort and please remember that you are not alone in the battle of keeping your sanity and your life together.

My mother have been such a comfort to me at this time. However, my heart was sore when I can obviously see that she misses home and my dear father. Staying at home with Lya can be a life imprisonment because she have a running nose currently, and milly is declaring everyone under house arrest.

Not that I am not bothered but I guess nothing really scares me now. I dun see a point of overreacting to small minor ailments of Lya. As long as we soldier on, I assumed we can weather through this adjustments.

I am a little bit doubtful on how havoc the new baby would be and how well can we all adjust to the new routine.

Endless cries at night and nursing over the clock. According to my other friend , Linda who just celebrated the arrival of baby Sean, it can be frightening tiring. And Linda does have hired help!

I am to do without any help but my poor parents, who in their late 60's and early 70's

Wish me luck people...

Defusing little tantrums

Now tantrums of little ones can make or break a mother's patience and love for their child.

For whatever reasons the child refuse to listen or do what they are supposed to do, one must never give up to seek a working solution.

We have a lot of help in our house currently, thank goodness. But the downside is Lya is getting way too much attention and she tends to throw little tantrums because she simply is having TOO much fun.

Like getting her to go to bed and she wants to play with the Listerine Bottle, Yes, why the Listerine bottle? I have no idea? Maybe it;s the green liquid, or the bottle itself?

She will cry endlessly till she gets what she wants. This is the tricky part. Any expert who tells you not to let the child get their ways, must be kidding. If she cries endlessly , ie, sobbing loudly, she ends up tired, red eyes and could even end up traumatized by the ordeal.

Traumatized in a way that's it is bed time and she needs to relax and go to bed. The worst part of handling 2 yrs old is they can;t communicate properly. They can;t talk and tell you what they want.

How do i defuse this? I realized my tone of voice is critical not to make her cry even louder, ie, talk to Lya in a soft, speaking tone.

I usually just talk to her and ask her what she wants, she still have the Listerine bottle in her hands. But I will go get the next best thing, her daddy's drinking bottle, the raspberry flavor water. Dun judge me, I know the sugar kick is bad for her but she simply adores it.

I made the switch and she is playing with the bottle.

The funny part is, a few nites ago, she was screaming murder for the empty Listerine bottle and she practically hugged the empty bottle to sleep!

No matter what the experts tell you to do in such situation, I somehow find it is best to get to know and understand your own child. She thoroughly understands what I am saying and I level with her , at every tantrums, on why and what she can and cannot do.

Like hitting her grandparents with a stick. Or dodo in that matter.

Or using daddy's laptop to watch her ABC for kids online. Another favorite thing for her.

In the end, I come to a conclusion that she is trying to mimic every single thing that we do. Eat from our bowl, drink from our bowl, play with what we are playing and watch what we are watching.

If imitation is the biggest flattering thing for anyone, then understanding why kids throw senseless and mindless tantrums are all about getting to know your little child.

That is what I have been trying to explain to daddy. He simply thinks Lya is misbehaving but it;s not actually that case in point.

Perhaps I spend the most time with her and I can truly read her mind?

Like with anything in life, it's best not to act too harshly and think before we do anything we regret later. If anything, having children teaches what you are capable of and how humane and how much Love one can have for another person.

It teaches you the things that we take for granted for in life....

and I am still learning...

Evolving love

My newly formed family is finally reaching an important climax, a combination of both families, coming together in times of need, to welcome the next generation.

Milly is carrying Lya and the old lady is her mother, Lya's Great grandmother and my beloved mother, wearing the green jacket.

I have often worried , a tad bit, on how my mother would get along with milly. My mother is a very , very simple lady, who does what she can to help me cope with Lya. She is coming to 70 of age and if compared to milly, a young 57, my mother is not as agile nor can she do everything for me.

But with my respect for elders, I am determined not to let anyone serve me. I have surrender much of my daily chores to milly, because of my delicate condition. But I am reminded, that her love must not be forsaken.

If anything, I have learn to hold my tongue, when disagreements arises and simply solve each conflict of interest with equal debate and less harshness.

Father's reminder to not forsake their love and concern has given me much thought.

I am indeed more stable with my own feelings and just allow new love into my family.

With an open mind and an open heart, I am embracing the new found love and respect.

Please do not think for once that it has been easy because like anything in life, there are bad and good days.

But I have learn to not hold any grudges and just take it as it comes.

The pictures, themselves, will tell you the story of my journey.

Mind you, my mother dun even speak proper mandarin and yet, their new found respect for each other is profound. Almost inspiring....

Spring is in the Air...

On my weekly visit to my gynae, I started to see blooming blossoms in the surrounding gardens. Reminding me that Spring is fast approaching and how endearing life can be.

If we only took more time to stop and smell the roses.

Mother is amazed by the colours and the transformation. Each season carrying with it, its own special moments, beauty and life changing scenery.

Coming from a Sub tropical country, we are more likely to appreciate things like cherry blossoms, tulips, endless choices of bread, cheeses, milk, snow and anything foreign.

I am reminded to only let Lya experience what my childhood are about and where I am from.

The warmth of the sun and ever blooming bulbs only reminded me that I will soon end my pregnancy journey and start a new chapter.

Bringing with me, endless hope and joy to face all uncertainties with a hint of anticipation but loads of enthusiasm.

I hope Mother will enjoy the changing seasons, as she plans to spend the summer with us.

Grandpa's Jacket

Lya's Grandfather, from my partner's family, got her this purple insulated Jacket , made in Korea. I had previously requested my in-laws not to buy her too many jackets but I realize they simply love Lya too much.

Reminding me on how a kind word can warm one's heart.

She looks simply covered with love and mind you, this jacket is around HKD 1200, not cheap by any means. It goes to show how much her grandparents love her.

I am truly blessed in that light, because as long as she is loved, I shall not reprimand little things in life that does not matter. Nor shall I be fussy over things like interference and chinese medicinal debate.

I am no longer torn between my own rights as a mother and what is good for my baby girl.

The jacket represent the endearing Love that we share , communally, as a family, for little Lyanne.

I am Ok ..mummy...

My dearest baby girl is having loose stool but no fever or lack of spirit and poor milly is running herself down to nurse her, unnecessarily.

I am quite confident she will pull through the stomach bug herself and I have seen Dr Daniel Tan, last Friday and he assured me it;s nothing serious. In which, all children will need time to fine tune their immunity and grow outta it.

Try telling that to my milly is like trying to force a horse to drink water. IMPOSSIBLE. A heated argument almost broke out this morning but I managed to avoid it by keeping my mouth shut and my mind focus on the goal. Which is, " Mummy, I am fine, do not worry..." , if only baby Lya can speak.

Eventually, she will speak, one fine day. She will one day tell her grandmother that she is not cold,or that she is full, "please do not continue to feed me", and yes, " I am well and OK" and " I want to play"

oo..One day she will tell her grandmother, that she will want to eat something other than dumplings. Till that day arrives, I shall remain my posture and calmness to let nature take its course.

Children have a funny way and they will surprise you on how much a week can change. By next week, she will be accommodating, happy and running about while the last week, she will continue to throw her unexplained tantrums!

For no particular reasons, she woke us at 1 am and starting screaming her lungs out. I tried to comfort her but I can't carry her as I wanted to because she tend to kick me and I have my other baby to take care of.

So, I had to ask my partner to pick her up and cuddle her.

Seriously, I was thinking the worst, could it be something terrible like ADD? Attention deficit Disorders or some kinda weird unexplained stuff.

But after like 20 mins, she went back to sleep.

What happened? I seriously have no clue. Maybe a bad dream?

For now, Lya is napping peacefully and all I can wait is for her to express herself clearly....

"Mummy, I am ok..."

3 more weeks to go

How time really flies when one do not take notice of the passing days. The countdown has begun and I am only eager to get it done with.

This is my usual home attire. I abide the principle of not dressing up too baggy, so as to uplift my sore mood. Which is always so melancholy. One minute of pure joy and happyness while the other second, feeling blue and down will hit me like a train wreck.

My mother was here since Monday and I have been talking alot to her. It does help to have a good heart to heart talk and have someone there for you. Someone who knows you and allows you to be who you are.

I mainly have a maintain a "composure" with milly , simply because I cannot say what I mean , most of the time, because of diplomacy.

After years of practice, I am so good at diplomacy that I forgot who I really am sometimes.

I am eager to get back on my feet because I feel compel to take care of my family and myself. Not really feeling the need to rely on anyone to help me unless they are willing to abide by ways.

My routine is flexible and even with two children, I am determine to stick to my social routine, go out and not be afraid of anything. Like I said, I will blend my kids into my life and not the other way around.

As anyone would know, in-laws worry endlessly about anything and everything. Their intentions are pure but their sense of control can limit my boundaries and restrict my fulfillment to do it my way.

In 3 weeks time, my life will change, for the better , that I can only have good hope and a good positive outlook.

Life here is such a breeze, too easy for me, coming from harsh realities in Malaysia.

Stay tuned for the chapter to evolve and develop....the plot will thicken soon

choices...

SBS was airing this 6-part documentary on childbirth in the 20th century, entitled :" One born every Minute".

It depict the countless journeys of mothers who undergo the pain and joy of labor, in all sorts of lights. First born, water births, long natural labor, C-sec, premature babies and etc. One midwife made an interesting comment, last nite, on how labor is a freedom of choice of woman these days. How they must be allow to choose their own path, drugless free or etc.

Personally, I find myself having to explain to people why I am choosing an elective c-sec in September. Natural birth is hail as the ultimate holy grail and how each woman should at least try and give birth naturally before resorting to the easier way out, c-sec.

I am not , so called, "too posh to push". But I do advise my friends who asked me about the given choices, if you can afford it, just do with the c-sec. It reduces the risk and any potential dramas. Of coz, this is a personal choice. Dun judge me for promoting c-sec, because I am not saying it works for anyone.

Lya was breech and she gave me the choice to have a c-sec. My second child is not any better. My partner is a very impatient man and I do not want to traumatize the ordeal of the unknown natural labor. It could be fast or it could be a slow painful process. Tiring for me and for my partner.

My in-laws are here for the c-sec, a scheduled , orderly operation that suits my needs the most.

Maybe some people would comment that I am rob of the real natural state of labor, child birth per say, the contractions and the birth of the baby itself. My water did broke , for Lya and I did have a 3cm contraction.

I am not bother by any debate. As long as my child is healthy, I am willing to do whatever it takes to ensure both mother and child's , safety and happyness.

Even with nursing, everyone have an ideal debate. I felt compel to nurse Lya because my mother insisted I kept trying to do so. I am not so sure that I will enforce the same rule for Lya when she is faced with this choice?

But I do what I think I can and this time around, I feel I am confident to break down all barriers and only take into account what I think is right. Disregarding what others may advise or comment or judge.

Even refusing the help from my In-laws to send Lya back to China while I nurse my new baby.

I refused to admit defeat till I am broken down to pieces.

As stubborn as I may sound, I am not one to avoid any challenges. In fact, I kinda prefer things to be a bit harder. Work a bit harder. Strive a bit harder.

I feel blessed that I am a mediocre woman. I am neither really smart not really pretty. I am just an ordinary woman who is facing her own true self. Loving each flaws. I am glad that I have so much faith in myself and loving each extra kgs of myself.

At some point in anyone's life, You got to realised, you are your own "best Friend", doctor, career consultant, life coach and etc.

1 dress!

With such one semi maxi stripped Sportsgirl dress, I attempted to vary my staple uniform item to have different looks.

I raided my wardore for shirts and loose vest to vary the looks. This is kinda warmer spring look.

As for winter, I am still sticking to long shirts and stocking to keep warm.

I still think the bloating is getting worst and worst. I am eager to try on control undergarments to smooth the bumps and such but it;s not advisable for the baby because it tends to restrict blood flows.

Pants are so not comfortable because it cuts my pelvic and restrict my movements. I have to stick to dresses till the baby arrives.

The dress has turn out to be quite a good bargain but it does give away the bodyline, which can be quite tricky to master. Any bumps or muffin tops are exposed and it could be very challenging for me to avoid any further unwanted attention to imperfection areas that I am really trying to hide!

Growing up fast...

Children grow very fast. The so-called hardest moments of motherhood is the terrible twos, when they are reaching two to three years old, learning to talk and getting very very active!

Running, exploring, falling down at each corner and eager to learn about their environment, people and the world.

Nothing makes more sense that to step back and let them explore, adapt, learn and grow.

Fuss can only make them edgy, maybe even instill fear on trying new things, meeting new people or simply playing with other children.

Like any 20 months year old, Lya is very outgoing, active and can be hard to keep up with.

After 2 months of adapting to milly, she is finally showing attachment, affection and like any normal grandparents, milly is starting to want to hold on to my little girl.

As predicted, she proposed that Lya be send off to Beijing with my in-laws. I have stood my ground, firmly on my partner's debate to do so, because he think I can;t handle two children by myself.

It;s not easy, I admit but to forsake my little girl for my second child, that I cannot do.

A mother's limited time with her child while she grows up ( quick as lighting) is enduring and sacred. I never felt it was going to be easy and here I am , with Lya turning two on November and baby No 2 in September. I feel blessed.

I feel contend.

I feel that every suffering moment as with anything in life, a phase, is worth every drop of sweat, tear and blood.

My partner thinks it's a control thing between me and milly and how I DO NOT trust her with her parenting style. True, I admit to it. I am very doubtful of her parenting skills and the medical condition in China.

But moreover, it;s how I plan to be there for Lya and my other baby, every single step of the way. Soon, she will talk and she will be her own little person.

I cannot bear to miss any of it. It;s not just about the good times, but the bad times when she gets sick, misbehave or her little tantrums.

Motherhood is an incorporated world of ups and downs. Pitfalls and endless dramas. But as with anything, per say, like one's career, or de facto relationships, family's drama and etc, It;s a journey.

What we learn at the end , we savior and we salvaged.

I have so much precious moments with my Little Girl that I never forget, one day, she will stop holding my hands.

She will stop kissing me.

She will stop wanting me to be with her all the time.

That she will grow up to be this strong, beautiful woman that I will be so proud of , no matter what happens.

That she will always be my little girl.

Until then, I hold my first born with much pride.

x0x0

Ker-ching!

Motherhood is all about budgeting,finance, dipping into one's savings and weighing in the cost of not working, ie, 2 to 3 years of unemployment, not having any maternity leave ( you may need at least 12 mths working in the company before you actually get to qualify for their maternity leave package!)

This is an extremely long list of issues to consider. I am even timing two to every bill, child care times two, holiday air ticket times two, car seats times two, toys times two and the endless amount of huggies! One box of Huggies, is like 70 nappies, costing , without discount, 36 to 42 AUD.

I remember my dear friend leekah, who used to advised me to stock up on huggies when there is a sale going on, I thought to myself, " Is it really necessary?"

Now, However, I am stocking up all the huggies My hands can carry at once!

Ikea, Australia, offers up to half of one;s annual income when you have worked 2 years or more. My thought is do everyone need to work 2 years and then, try for a baby?

Isn;t it stressful enough to even try for a baby without ruining the romance of conceiving one?

Sucking all the romance of expecting a baby, I am left with bills unpaid, uncertainties of what the future holds, the rising cost of child care ( up to aud 1000 per mth for like 4 days per week! per child!), my own expenses ( shopping, allowances, beauty regimes and etc expenses).

Ad hoc expenses, like spending tickets, insurance ( car, medical and house), doggie expenses ( food, vet fees, medicine and grooming), birthdays and weekend getaways?

Both of my partners craved on weekend getaways, movies, eating out and the usual taking the kids to the zoo or just a plain train fun ride for the kids?

Ooo...new shoes? new clothes? for the kids, shoes does cost a bomb here, and I only shop for those ones in Kmart, Big W and Target!

Jackets are the worst as well. Some good ones can easily cost 100 to 300 per jacket for better cotton/wool material and we are in the four seasons zone! I assumed tropical homeland exclude this cost of buying seasonal clothing for the kids!

The little things we take for granted? Holidays? We are planning a ski trip for lya and her sibling and that would easily run a total cost of 2000, more or less. Ski Gear are extremely pricey but for the experience of a true family holiday, it is priceless!

I sound like a Mastercard ad right?

I even try and cut down expenses, like nursing the baby, formulaes are expensive ladies, aud 26 per unit and that can only last 2 weeks or so?

Using cloth nappy in spring/summer, it does make more sense. Help saving the environment with less rubbish to throw, less nappy rash and My beloved mother is here to help me hand wash the baby's poo and wee for a fraction of the cost. Water and glycerin soap are used and the grey water is used on the garden when it is needed most, SUMMER BLAZE!

I would suggest to any new mother, try and use cloth nappy. It is a tad bit more work , and help is needed, like having your beloved mother with you for the first 3 to 4 mths!

My mum gets something to do and it helps her in feeling useful?

So far, I have scout many potential part time jobs. But I still got like 1.5 years till the baby no 2 settle in and in between, placing a vacancy for them in childcare.

After all the distinctive budgeting, I still come to the conclusion that it;s worth every single penny and dime.

Isn;t it ironic?

maybe one day?

As with everything in life, I get judged quite alot on my life choices. Motherhood and parenting are such subjective topics. What works conventionally and what a good mother is supposed to be like are subjected to more than one perception.

Some would let you have more autonomy to do what you think is right while others think you should not cross the strict guidelines.

I got this dress from MNG, a special collection, in 2007, it was on sale, I can;t remember how much, probably like MOP 200? Around less than Rm100?

I like it;s simplicity and it even fits me when I am like fully bloated, coming near full term?

I never had a real chance to wear it, obviously.

Still am waiting for the right occasion to wear it. Probably on a fine weekend, with flats, to minimize it;s formal wear , taking it to daytime wear?

Like a casual Maxi dress?

Trust me, I am not trying to raise the bar with mothers of 2 kids! It really is a full time job with loads of spills, vomit, very dirty fingers and rigorous fast dirty little hands, tripping stuff, spilling stuff and basically, sometimes I have to change clothes in between.

The trick is embrace motherhood, let chaos be what it is, uncontrollable, unpredictable and manage it when it happens!

Nothing ever really make me nervous except when my little babies are feeling exceptionally sick, like, 38deg fevers! Now, that really scares me.

With my in laws and his grandmother presence till October, ( gosh...it;s seems long right), I have embraced their nagging ways. They will not be here for good anyway ( thank goodness, seriously) .

Meanwhile, I am enjoying every lingering moments and my postings are regular. ( Sep 13th is looming!)

Maybe One day I will wear this dress again?

Accessories!

This is all I have down listed from loads of stuff I accumulated over the years. Things like earrings, belts, brooches and necklaces that I commonly would wear on a daily basis.

Special occasions are dime a dozen in my life. Exceptional rare.

I am always on a look out for great bargains in studded earrings. I do fancy longer earrings but with Lya's noti hands, You might never know when a painful accident may occur?

Best to stick to just studs for now.

Dress maniac!

I have a confession to make, I am in the last few weeks of my pregnancy and basically I live in my tights.

I was inspire to do this pregnancy street look but had no one to help me take streets photographs so I managed to take them in my closet at home, while my little girl naps.

Dresses and tights are like my uniform for now because I simply need that elasticity to stay comfortable. The baby;s head is pushing my pelvic and I get very bad indigestion if I am tightly bounded.

Vanity is my biggest foe these days, as I refused to let myself bind in baggy shapeless clothes to make myself hide behind this wonderful bump.

This may well be my last pregnancy.

Instead of hiding behind it, I am simply embracing it.

Maybe inspire more woman to celebrate pregnancy.

Trust me, when one gain all that weight and is bloating like mad, the worst thing anyone can do is wear hideous shapeless clothes to add more depression into one's mood.

Colors celebrate my little bundle of joy.

SHOES!!

This is a passion or more like an obsession of mine. Shoes! I am not exactly tall , tall but yeah, most of my friends would nag me about wearing heels but I simply LOVE it!

However, with a toddler and another infant on the way, I had to give up my shoes! I opt for comfortable walking shoes, shoes I can run in and stay stable in.

Chanel features leather wooden clogs this Summer/Spring 2010 and I have to admit, I am a devoted fan because you just need to try them on to see how comfortable they are. Plus, there is such a casual chic, less pretentious look, like I am not trying too hard with spiky heels?

I got this wooden clogs from Funkis for Gorman, a local Melbourne brand.

The other pair is from NOVO, so called sporean brand, for less than 100! Trust me, melbourne shoes cost a bomb. Of coz, It;s not leather but most shoes like Nine west and etc, are man made material as well and the prices ranges more than 100 for sure.

Budgeting mothers like me need to be aware of buyer choices and learn to compare prices. Making less emotional purchases but more practical ones.

Can I walk in them, properly?

Can I manage two kids in them, without risking twisting my ankle?

It is OTT ( Over the top) but more of a casual relax look?

Can I actually afford them? ( being jobless )

Does it match with my current working wardrobe? No point buying things for special occasions because for mothers like me, it is rare and preciously few.

How often can I wear them? ( value for money calculations)

The other pair is really my indulgence, Fendi kitten heels with black crystals embellishments. Dun judge me yet, I got this when I was actually working in Macao and it was on sale, like 60% off.

I have not worn it yet and it;s like 3 years old!!

ridiculous right? But the pavement in Macao tears my heart out because I love the leather sole and would die if they scratch my beloved kitten heels.

Sentimental as I am, I tend to wear cheap shoes for bad occasions, whereby I dun drive and have to take public transport. So as to protect my darling shoes!

This is an ongoing fetish of mine.

My dream, as any girl would dream, is that walk in wardrobe, Mr Big Built for Carrie in SATC 1?

Gossssh...that would be such a delish world and I could like hang on there basically! and Be happy!

wouldn;t that be something?

Mocha!

As with everything in life, I started taking my Mocha break when I needed it most, handling a young toddler and being pregnant.

This is my break in Browns Cafe. The mocha is weak in coffee, as I am trying to be good to the baby, less caffeine kick and made with skinny milk. I do need to take more calcium but I can only digest so much milk as it does give me the most irritable bowel indigestion. Bloating is much worst with this second baby. I am not sure why is that but if you can see from my face, I am deeply bloated and I got like 3 weeks or so to go.

The chocolate muffin is gluten-free and what this means is there is only a small amount of white flour in the recipe. Usually they use almond meal, which is more expensive than flour but taste just the same. Can be a tad dryer than usual cakes and baking goods. But Almond meal has added calcium, vitamins and minerals.

I can opt to see rice flour as well but almond meal is best.

Going gluten-free for me , means reducing the bloating. I am not sure about the calorie intake but it does help a tad bit in adding more goodness to my usual wicked treat.

The mocha helps me to kick me back into alertness and lift my mood. Coffees in Melbourne is wickedly good. Hand roasted from Arabian beans, it does have a distinct aromas and the milk here tastes better than anywhere else.

So much so, Starbucks can't even survive the very fussy Melbourne taste for good coffee. Apparently, coffee in US is quite ....tasteless, bland and too commercially run.

Beg to differ for me, IF I ever get to go to US anyway!

hahaha....

August!

Honestly, the tummy is getting bigger but not as BIG as lya used to be. The baby's head is engaged, ie, the head has descend downwards. Preparing for natural birth.

I am liking the little tummy look, well, truthfully, almost everyone is looking at my tummy and not at my bloated Fat ass. Not that I dun love my new body, just it takes a thicker hide to love myself more!!

Some days I feel like on top of the world while some day, I really feel like a whale.

My last ultrasound was on Friday, 30th July and I am getting excited because Sep 13th is looming!!

I found this semi maxi stripe dress from SportsGirl and yes, I took the photos in the changing room ( Westfield)

Wish I had an assistant to help me photography my belly right?

BUT I am improvising.

I end up buying two semi maxi dress, one stripe and one green khaki!

DODO

Dodo, is my beloved 8 year old Male cockier spaniel. My partner gave dodo to me as a present to cheer me up when I was itching to quit Melbourne and head back home.

Guess he was meant to be a bribe or some sort. But I feel in love with all of my dogs. So dodo was not going to be excluded.

I did abandon him for like 3 years while we moved back to Zhuhai and I had to work in Macao for like 2 years. We came back to Melbourne by July 2007, with me being 6 months pregnant with little Lya.

He was very fat by then, thanks to his generous god mother. This nurse from HeiLong Jiang, China. In fact, I had a heated argument with her on how not to overfeed my poor dog, who was at that time, 25 kgs. His ideal weight is like 13- 15 kgs?

Guilt-ridden myself, I basically was determined to like make it up to him and walked him almost every single day, for up to 1 hour , in an attempt to lose the weight.

Till Lya was born in November, it took me 4 months to like reach a weight of 18kgs.

A bit of information, overweight dogs are prone to many heart problems, arthritis, kidney failure and as my vet put it, " killing the dog with too much love".

Trust me, the nurse did not share my concern.

My partner and in-laws tried to persuade me to give up my dog, and let the god mother take care of him. I myself, know that it would not be fair and I always wanted my children to have a pet.

Dodo is very very good with Lya. Perhaps Lya adores him because she can pull his lip and flappy ears and he would not even growl or snap at her?

I grew up with pets and I believe that it advocates love, empathy, a mutual respect for a living being and unselfishness.

Anyone who do not like animals, tend to be a bit more self centered. Of coz, I am not saying everyone needs to like animals. That would spark endless debates and disagreements.

But pets somehow make my life better? How?

Dodo enforced me to walk more, get out more, love more, endure more and simply, how a simple lick from him can cure my moodiness?

I do tend to forsake my poor beloved dog. I have no idea how I am going to cope with 2 kids and dodo but I am sure, I will somehow land on my feet; with his paws on my thigh.