brilliant...

Lya started day care like a week ago and gosh golly, it made such a BIG difference in my life because I get to sleep in in the mid morning, when she is at her most active.

I was worried about the usual suspects. Contamination in the playground, Lya adjusting to the teachers and children but she prove to be the light of the group. If not, one of the most playful kids around.

It has been working so well because the entire household gets to rest in the mid mornings and when she comes home, all we need to do is feed her, bath her and put her for her afternoon naps.

Hopefully, I can managed her speech and table manners. Social skills might be improved on. So much so, I intend to send her in every day till November and slowly ease back by December.

I do need the extra sleep. Honestly, I managed her better when I am rested and well adjusted. Having the burden of nursing Tyler at wee mornings. I am torn between nursing and turning to the bottle ( formula) because it is much easier and so accessible.

But prevailing and being fair to both kids are my main goals. I managed to nurse Lya till 13 months and that was an only child. Handling two kids is like managing a multinational company, it takes a lot of effective management and I am yet to be proven capable.

But the child care for now, is such a brilliant option. Since I can;t really ship a maid from KL to Melbourne, this is the best option available...

thank goodness for child care!

Lya started her child care in East Doncaster because I could not get a place in my area, thanks to the waiting list policy and a lot of hoos and haas.

Rules are great to protect children but to not have proper child care for kids in Melbourne where there are plenty back home? I wondered if the Australia government is doing something about this serious issue.

Lya LOVES child care. It gives her the space to explore and to play. To socialise.

I know I should smack her when she misbehaves but she is only two and I hate to punish her without her understanding the concept of disciple. Seeing that she can;t talk yet.

My friend got pregnant recently and was pondering about morning sickness. I hate to tell her morning sickness is the least she can worry about because the entire motherhood journey is horribly traumatic if one comes unprepared.

Even nursing Tyler, gosh, that little boy can nurse for 2 hours straight. Contributing to my sore back and sore arm and sore breast!

Little Lya is at her horrible "Twos", she is at the verge of turning two and beginning to talk or somewhat in between the process of learning words.

Her energy is like non stop , replenishing source of renewable energy! Keeping up with her is a BIG task! One of which I rather leave to the teachers and other older kids to teach her manners or how one should behave.

Not throwing her bowl of rice or spilling her cup of water...all for FUN!!!

How can I possibly scold a cute little face like hers?

Ain;t we all children...once a upon a time?

She should have her go at being a little mischief.

Motherhood...with its endless dramas, obstacles, all I really want to say to my dear friend....

" Get ready for the ride of your life, it;s a 18 year old project , fill with non stop challenges and if you really think about it, and give it a real go, with a added pinch of humor; anyone can do it...and may even enjoy it"

LOL...

Baby Tyler says Hi

Baby Tyler Zhang was born on 12.02 pm, Sep 13th, Monday at St Vincent Private in the city.

He weighed in at 3.68kg and measured around 49cm.

He was 38 weeks. Dr Youssif arrived by 11.35 am and I was very very anxious at this stage because I reached the hospital at 9.15 am and waited for a good 2 hours for the op.

It was very different from Lya as the anticipation killed my anxiety and I was feeling extremely nervous but refused to burden my partner. It would had worried him further.

The operation took a good half an hour to get Tyler out and another hour to stitch me up.

I went back to my room 420, by 2 pm and mum was worried sick.

I was under a lot of morphine and it was a wee bit disorientated and I had to start nursing Tyler by 2.10 pm.

The first night was quite scary but mother stayed with me on Monday nite and Tuesday nite.

She was a blessing.

Patrick stayed with me on wed nite and thursday nite and we got discharged on Friday morning by 9 am.

Friends and workmates send their flowers and best regards. Baby Tyler did got more guests than Lya.

Everyone comment that he was slightly smaller.

How do I feel about baby Tyler?

Very Proud and would I do it again,....yes I would.

I guess my pain treshold is much higher than anticipated.

By Sunday, the mid wife offered invaluable advice that would change my world. Pump extra milk and feed him manually because he has such a small mouth. Before that, it took me 2 hours in late nite feeds to satisfy him. He had jaundice and wasn;t getting enough fluids.

What a momentum leap it had made. Not only do I rest more because I nurse quicker but Tyler gets all the milk he can possible drink and I am ever so happy because I dun get sore nipples!

Welcome to the world , Baby Tyler..

I am so eager to see he grow stronger and bigger each day....

x0x0

Here we go....

it;s 6.43 am, Monday, Sep 13th and I am all amp up for the morning operation.

I did sleep quite well. Partner is having some issues with his mother and I am hoping their disagreement would not dampen the spirit that the baby is arriving today, by 11.30 am.

How am I feeling?

Good. Very good. I did once really so I really do know what to expect.

Having mother here is such a comfort and maybe she can see how c-sec is now both safe and very well organized.

My pain tolerance is quite high and I can really honestly, tell you, once you see the baby, everything shoots out the window.

One or two babies, it does not matter. I am having a sibling for little Lya so she can truly understand the bond between siblings.

Something I hope to impart on my partner so he can understand how important family is.

I reckon family are like superglue and how it sticks to you. Even if you want to get rid of that bond, it refuses to let go and somehow, the glue just surrounds you, getting tighter and tighter. Forcing you to embrace its presence and significance?

The birth of life is so fragile, delicate and it reminds you that you are not alone in this cold , cold world.

My life is filled with much disappointments and resentments. But to let those negative experiences dampen my spirits or rewrite my soul, I do not think I have the capacity to hate anyone or wish anyone the worst of luck.

Simply because everyone have a motive , an agenda for what they are doing or is trying to achieve.

I rather just concentrate on myself and challenge myself to be the best that I can be. Discard any bad habits, come to terms that I am still learning and embrace my children.

In this cold land down under, children are my root systems which keep me focus on the long term view that I am building a beautiful family.

The feeling of holding a small infant, fresh and clean outta this world. With no mistakes and nothing but a fresh clean start.

How wonderful can that be?

With all the horrors in the world, like Sep 11th heartache, I hope to find a new meaning in life. I hope all mankind would see beyond their differences and learn to just, live in peace.

I hope my little baby will have a wonderful start in life and never stop believing in miracles itself....

life itself....

Here we go....

It's tomorrow!

I had the worst sinus problem last night and I did slightly panic but refused to let the rest worry about my condition.

I went to bed early hoping to cure my own sinus and work up quite liberated.

Milly is very concerned about Little Lya and I can understand. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is all about balancing Ying ( cool energy) and Yang ( hot energy). Different food have different hot and cold properties. Keeping up with the Ying and Yang can be a quite cumbersome and could tie down our social life?

Her advise or instructions ( more like it)...

1. Lya must eat only meat for lunch and continue on the NO seafood diet, only pork and chicken and fish.

2. Lya likes soup-based products, this includes dumplings, sui kow and wonton, home made with pork mince.

I prefer her to have chicken but would I dare to risk her having a lower immune system if I switch to something different?

I am a bit weary of those off cut pork mince in Boxhill but I do not think I have the time to like , mince my own cuts?

MMm...this is tricky...

3. Lya must be warm, overdressing is needed and must wear pants.

I am a bit of a fashion freak here, so yeah, this could hurt me because I love to see my little girl in dresses. Maybe when the weather warms up?

caution would be taken here

4. Lya must be kept away from crowded play center to avoid any contamination from other kids

This is debatable but I hate to admit that she has caught running nose, red slap cheeks ( a viral infection), Viral flu and coughs from other sickly kids.

5. Lya likes "Up" The movie from Disney and The Wiggles DVD Concert. It could be the melancholy rela'ship between the Old man and the young boy, plus the talking dog.

Or just the adventure and the entire storyline that attract Lya to "UP"

I got other movies from Shrek, Kung Fu Panda, AristroCats, Madagascar and etc, but she ONLY would keep still with "Up"

Why?

Children are unpredictable and most challenged to keep entertain. I have my ways but I rather just let Lya let me know.

Tomorrow, 3 am , I have to stop eating and drinking.

Everyone is asking me how I am coping or am I anxious?

Not really, seriously. Maybe cause it;s time for the little baby to greet the family.

...

TGIF !!

Yup, it's creeping nearer and there are like 3 nites to go before I start my fasting. The hospital have rang me up for the initial administrative work.

Asking me about blood type, allergies and etc. Dr. Youssif will be the one conducting the c-sec but I have another pediatric, Dr Douglas, who will see me through after-op care.

He mailed me his details yesterday.

Mum's xray came on wednesday and I had to drive down to DIMA to submit it. On the way, we went to brunetti to get milly a sponge cake. A small one that cost us 29 bucks!!

But it was fluffy and semi sweet. Most cakes , say, from Michel's patisserie does taste a bit more, bland and sweeter.

Luckily I went all the way to Lygon to get the cake because by 5 pm, milly;s friend rang to see what did we did for her birthday and as I pull out the cake from the fridge, she was pleasantly surprised!

Goes to show, every little effort counts in this world. Anyone who have a birthday coming would expect something, even a small candle on a tiny cupcake, as a grand gesture of them turning a year older.

Remember that people!

I went to pick up Lya's nappies from Big W, 32 per box, with the usual price of 41, every sale is noticed!!

We went to safeway to get Mum's avocadoes and I paid for it but forgotten to take the groceries.

Mum was pretty angry at me and that was 11 am. We went back to safeway by 2.30 pm and I told the manager how I forgotten my groceries. She kindly allowed me to pick up the stuff I got, which I did remember and got them for free.

Mum did want to take more than what we paid for but I reminded her, it was my mistake and I shall admit to it and take as what I have paid.

We watched a Mexican Latin MOvie on Sbs Two about, a middle aged , outta work mechanic that made his fortune by breeding his Male Pitt bull, called Le chine.

One scene depict the man, giving up his much needed job as a guard, with his dog, for 30 pesos a day, to the previous drunken guard. The previous guard cried back for his job , regretting his misfortune and the man gave him back his job outta empathy.

He went to the bank to cash his cheque and the Bank manager introduced a Dog trainer to him because he loved Pitt bulls!

Another twist in the story about how unselfishness and a little kindness could lead to his good fortune?

Had he not be a good saint and took pity on the guard, he would not have known that the pitt bull was worth a lot of money from dog shows and breeding capabilities?

Such a simple storyline but very touching?

I would ask for my children to watch the film itself. Because it really does spark a conversation?

With the recession going on, everyone who has a job knows the critical of having one and being unemployed. Bills piling and endless things to pay around the house?

Dr Youssif enquired about patrick, last night for my last visit. How he never sees him around, accompany me on my prenatal visits. He has to work, I told him because his fees are closed to 5K itself!

But going to any government practice is time consuming and long ques are expected.

We have to pay for medical services, it is a compulsory.

Goes to show you, the things we take for granted for?

It's Friday and the sun is breaking up the raining morning clouds!

wakey wakey...

nose be clear!

Most common symptoms are bloated feet and hands? But a seriously blocked nose?

How weird and very uncomfortable.

It;s Thursday and I am really feeling the " frustration" of trying to get a good night rest and waking up with a very sore throat, blocked nose and horrible breathing pattern. Heavy and uncomfortable.

I tried to do a natural remedy, salted gaggle and Manuka Honey concoction in attempt to smooth the throat.

I am feeling a tad bit tired from trying to breath properly and turning repeating in attempt to find a comfortable spot to sleep!

The bed is small for me and I had initially wanted to sleep alone but I know my partner yearns to be with us, his family.

So I endured long nights of unrest and waking up at 6.30 am to see the break of sun rise.

However, with the quiet morning, nothing except birds chirping, I find eternal peace and tranquility.

I can reply my emails and blog without the interference of Lya's naughty hands!

Maybe it's a good thing, I get 1 hour of peace while they all sleep like babies.

Oh...I did went to bed by 9 pm, so My sleep is covered. In case anyone tries to convince me I need all the rest I could get.

Either it;s programmed in me to sleep for 8 hours max and anything extra would be wasted because I can;t go back to sleep.

If the nose wasn;t giving me any further issue, I would had slept a wee bit longer. Just taking a peek at Lya napping calms my nerves.

....

unconditional LOve....

I remembered writing about "unconditional Love" in some essay that was aim at some contest, I think it was about mother;s day and I was supposed to write a 15 words slogan about my love for my mother.

But what does "unconditional Love" even mean?

I thought about it long and hard. Mother is not perfect but she is the best thing that I could ask for. I was not forsaken in terms of the basic need of a good education, a firm hand in independence and maybe a reality check about "real" life.

Maybe I am not pampered like my partner but we balance each other out. He have what I do not have. I am not bitter about people who have such accommodating parents. Parents who provide for them and continue to do so. My parents are frugal.

Very frugal indeed.

But they had to , in order to bring up five girls in such a harsh environment. Uncles , aunties and cousins was not very closed nor did they offer any comfort.

Still, we grew up with much love to offer and a hard head to work hard for our life.

"Unconditional Love" to me is about total acceptance. That one is different and no two person are alike. To adapt and to change myself , for the good of others. But never to judge how other live or to think for once, that I am any better than anyone. Or that I know better than my parents.

They are still respected, highly regarded and well positioned.

Their faults are minor because I can change. I will cope and I will continue to learn about my passage as a mother and as a better parent to my children.

My sisters and I both agree although mother should really just learn to appreciate us more often, we can not and will not expect her to change.

That would be too harsh for a lady of her prestige to accept.

That any of her girls whine that she is a nuisance. That would simply be heart broken and an eternal sin on our behalf.

I realized that and continue to explain to my partner.

It is not difficult but it had made me come to terms with how much I can do and what Love really means in a family.

How two families, of such different upbringing, can come together to achieve a momentum.

Heck, even reach equilibrium. A balance that both parties have such wonderful children to love, to teach, to play with and to embrace life.

My children are the key and the glue to this equation.

Although mother has doubts on how I cope with two, with no help, I assured her I am open minded and I am changing.

Right before my own eyes, my thinking and level of empathy, even the need and the urge to protect and love my children, has continually evolved and changed.

Maybe I will rewrite what is "Unconditional Love"....

Mummy dearest...

Dear Beloved mother,

With time passed, I am afraid you underestimate how marriage rules apply to all of your daughters and how we are subjected to society's norm on how to cope with being a good wife.

While protecting ourself against any potential harm like a loyal and faithful husband. How I wish the times were simple when we could relax and let the partner bring back the bacon and we concentrated on the kids. But kids do grow up eventually. I am not the housewife type because I am ambitious and merciless when it comes to personal goals.

I craved the high life and I have a shopholic bug in me which pushes me to work and have control of my own finances while balancing my family.

I truly advocate that working mothers make better partner because they are pulling their weigh. With the current economic situation and how expensive things cost, any women is forced to face the music that a double income help cope with financial arguments. Parents can afford better things in life like holidays and better education for their kids.

Frugality means NO holidays, eating in and having no money for any entertainment like movies or a trip to the zoo?

Saving all for the kids right?

Mother dearest, organization is such a key in running a household. The " never mind, Never mind" attitude does not cut in anything in life if one do not take control of your life.

Even if you are retired, ridden with illnesses and tired, you have to take care of yourself and eat a proper vegan diet that is varied and highly nutritious with low fat contend. Eating endless amount of eggs and gluten does not mean you are doing the right thing nor condemning meat eaters for their protein intake.

In fact, there is NOTHING wrong with eating meat, as always, it all boils down to how one does not waste food and eat the right thing?

Everyone preaches good eating habits. It is a lifestyle and it is a daily regime.

I am eating for TWO, do not judge me for what you think is right or wrong. I am an adult. You must learn to see that.

I hope you can realize on your own, to appreciate your own daughters and not condemn us for not being the ideal doctors, lawyers or whatever that you think is worth respecting.

For years, I have fought with myself to get your approval but in the end, I seek personal enlightenment. I seek self actualization and coming to be a type of person I would be proud to be.

I am now, my own person.

Seeking not the approval of my partner, or my in-laws, or my peer or my own parents.

I seek only my self satisfaction.

I set my own benchmark.

Last but not least, I will pray for your health and happyness. No matter what, I cherish each moment we get to spend together and the time you spend with your grandchildren.

Love always

Charlene

It;s MOnday!

What did I thought would happen? Two mothers under the same roof for like 3 weeks before the baby arrives? Different opinions? Different upbringing? Different attitude?

One side is my own mother and the other side is milly. There can not be a happy ending but a level of tolerance. It's a Home and Not some hotel. I know there is a fine line between being messy, too care free, unhygienic, Unorganized or simply not caring enough to do a good job.

However, being too controlling over matters that must not be push too far because a child's happyness is at state? IF I ever pull a "Bree" personality in Desperate Housewife, as pointed by my sister, which is true and relevant; I will end up making everyone in the family miserable because they can not keep up with my music.

I have to go pass being too uptight about matters that does not weigh in anymore than it should. OF coz, I can;t let cockroaches run the household or let dodo's fur invade the floor.

If anything, the dog keeps me level because I need to ensure the house is clean enough for sanitary reasons.

But spotless and like, cooking a five star meal? Come on, darling, if you ever happen to read my blog dear ( My loving partner), Please try and understand I am coping without any extra hands and I can ONLY do one thing at One time.

I always pride myself in taking care of myself. Whatever happens, be it Lya is sick or must be fed, or house must be clean, I always drink enough water and eat the right food.

A packet of chips does not cut as a good meal when the baby is nursing and I realized that I do need to keep a level head and DO what I can.

To my darling partner, Please stop comparing the both mothers and maybe lift a finger and help me. I can not bring myself to treat both mothers as maid.

Because they are NOT....

full stop.

He have the most ..... caring parents I have ever seen. Not only do they support his life choices financially, they actually serve him foot and mouth.

But how he take them for granted.

How he neglect the fact that he is old enough to take full reign of his role as my husband and a father to my children.

IF I over-relied on in laws for help, I would forever be .... ill prepared to control my own children and what Kinda example do I set for my children?

It;s Monday and I am not going to let anything tamper my anxiety to see my baby arrive in this world.

Friday sep 3th

I had to fix the Four wheel drive today because of some computer fault and seriously, why do people here work with such.....laze?

Like I send the car in straight in the morning and request kindly for them to call me back if they got it fixed. Simple and straight forward.

But I waited 1.5 hours and My gut instincts told me the car is ready but they wouldn;t bothered to ring me up, like I requested.

Luckily mum and I had pancakes at pancake parlour in Doncaster as I waited. Seriously, I feel like smacking someone for doing this to a heavily pregnant woman and an elderly mother.

But I guess my hormones did not rage and I just assumed normalcy. People should travel more often to HIGH traffic areas like Hong Kong, Singapore and Beijing. Really see what it means to serve HIGH traffic customer service.

I paid a bundle for customer service but I do not even get half the service in speed, efficiency or just plain , get it done as soon as you can.

Or serve as many as you can within limited time.

I am not sure whether it;s the working life here and with just a mere 22 million population, Australia's human capacity can;t be compared to high end bustling cities like Shanghai ( which does stand at around 22 million itself). How do cities like Shanghai function then?

Or maybe because I am pregnant that I can;t tolerate nonsense. Perhaps I could had insert more compassion and empathy. Though I was once reminded, being pregnant in Macao and taking the Bus to work and NO one would offer me a seat.

But in Melbourne, I reign supremacy because everyone knows pregnancy gives you royal treatment if you only know how to use it.

Guess it goes to show, there is no perfection in this world.

I am going under private this time and I am interested to know if there is a difference with Mercy Woman in Ivanhoe because the staff in Mercy was very pleasant. Facilities was clean and very hotelish indeed. But that was a new building.

Upfront, St Vincent looks a bit dark and small.

However, we all do realize that we can;t judge a book by its cover.

I am paying quite a lot for my gynae but he is a professional and he hardly let me wait between consultation.

I have to pay a lot for parking in mercy and the doctors randomly let me wait from 30 to 80 mins per visit because they could be on call or away for another operation.

Money does make a difference I guess.

All and all....I guess with the right attitude and enough empathy, anyone can resolve any matter.

By 12.30 pm, my partner rang me up to check if I had finish servicing the car. As predicted, I knew he would call and check on me.

I am , after all, his personal assistant, privately of coz.

But I assumed all roles with pride because one must continue to grow, learn, adapt and cope.

It;s all good...

letter to Lya

Dear baby Lya,

Mummy is writing you a love letter that I hope you will one day understand.

Mummy is having another baby in one week time and I hope that you will be good and reduce your tantrums to help mummy cope with the new addition to our beloved family.

Mummy will try my best to make this transition as smooth as possible and I ask , sorry, I beg for your patience and perhaps, co-operation to not make mummy's anxiety any worst.

Mummy is not sending you off to your military grandmother or the other care-free grandmother because mummy hope you can be apart of this journey.

Mummy have no idea whether what awaits us in September but please bear with me till they leave by October.

Soon, it will be just you , me , your younger sibling and daddy.

Trust in mummy that this is the best for you and me.

Trust in mummy that you will one day thank mummy for all of this.

Last but not least, Please learn to speak soon because you really need to relief mummy from your controlling grandmother. Please tell her what you really want.

Mummy is pretty tired of her " I am better than you" parenting interference.

This is mummy's only small request.

May God be with us as we walk through another chapter of our lives.

Love always

Mummy Charlene