how not to lose yourself in a marriage

OK, I finally figured out the real secret to any marriage..

1. Pick your fights wisely

There should be some ART to WAr class for any potential marrying couple because if anyone think two minds can think alike. They could not be so wrong. Of coz, if you are like me, a risk taker and dare to commit to someone younger and more naive, things are made worst!! I would definately say pick your wins wisely and learn to let go of minor things, with a long term view of the future's peace. Anything you say may or may not be used against you in future arguements.

Trust me, when you are mad, your partner is more likely to bring out the past and shower you with endless mockery. Or what you used against him or his family or his friends.

So my dear friends, be careful with the war of words!! It is sharper than a knife! and Men do lick their wounds and will remember for life!

2. Relearn the art of perseverance

It;s so easy to judge someone so quickly. Failing to see anyone's potential and how a person can be changed, with the right elements and timing. My partner is such a player but with the birth of his daughter and soon, another child, he has totally changed!

Not only do I nag less, trust me, MEN hate nagging women, NO matter how hot they are!; he is more thoughtful of us when he is out? Like a very unusual sms to see if his little girl is asleep or is she better from a flu?

DUN be jealous mummies, concerned daddies are a step nearer to the perfect man! BUT, I have to prevail on his growing stage , enough time to see him be the MAN I know he can be. Quit now and you will never know. PS, most men are the same, anyway....sorry dudes

3. Relearn the art of femininity

This can be tricky because my parents shoved independence into my brains long long time ago, as early as 13. I was taught that there is NO free lunch and I have to work hard, save hard and not to mess with my education. Drilled to perform,and partly happy that my parent did the NO nonsense parenting. I do come from a small town, very small expectations but to work hard to have a better life.

But my partner taught me how a lady need not shout for kindness or attention or anything. She only need to whisper sweet nothings to get a man's heart flutter and weak on their knees. This is interesting ain;t it. Remember the scene from the Devil wear Prada? Miranda's, the devious successful editor of Vogue was never shouting on her lungs to get things done HER way but a mere icy coldness that one cannot help but admire.

Femininity, something they dun teach in Convent schools and have to be relearn in society! Usually from college years and endless years of soul searching for my personal style and what I am comfortable with. NOt by swearing but by good old fashion manners and good upbringing!

PS...cross your legs if you are ever going to be caught death in a miniskirt!

4. The art of negotiations

This goes with the art of winning your wars of words. Choose wisely what you want in life and let to learn of petty stuff! My partner have this insane genorosity with his friends and will frequently, make very bad decisions without consulting me or even giving me a chance to undo the bad decisions.

To knock his ego off his socks, is a very pricey thing. Man;s ego are ever so fragile and delicate. Plus, I am older than him so I should know better right?

I guess this can be an ongoing skill to relearn, resharpen and relive. Sometimes, I can get by his silly tactics and sometimes, he makes me wanna kill him.

But we are a team and there is No I in Team, so I have to respect his bad decisions and pick up the pieces when he does fall badly on it. Not to mock his judgemeents any further but to allow him enough space to lick his wounds.


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this is be a working list because in the end, I am still learning. Honestly, motherhood scares me because I am kinda scared that my kids will not turn out as good as I had hope. But in the end of the day, I rather just be there for them every step of the way. The same applies to my partner, for better or for worst.

For richer and for poorer...

To love and honour till time separates us

These are not words people, there are vows!